In Love, It’s Better To Be Sorry Than Safe
Are you scared to start a new relationship? You should be, it’s risky business. Do it anyway!
The temptation to try something new and the worry that you will mess it up as before. The sweet idea of having someone in your life again and the anxiety of getting hurt once more. The desire to be understood and the complete horror of being seen.
If you had your fair share of heartbreaks already, I am sure you are painfully familiar with this confusing mindset at the doorstep of a new relationship. There is a chance it already made you blow some opportunities for love. Or for having some fun at last.
Are you really ok to miss out longer? Just to be safe?
I was not.
I started relationships in so many different ways: by passion, from friendship, with mixed feelings, or long hesitation. They all ended for one reason or another. Last time I was sure it was for life. It still crashed. Gloriously.
I have no idea what is the right emotional state to start a relationship. Does anybody know? I do not think there is a recipe.
So one day I simply decided to start saying YES to opportunities — against all odds and my fear that the relationship may fail in 20 hours, 20 months, or 20 years.
Because let’s face it, there is a pretty solid chance it will. Life. Statistics.
But hey, what if it won’t? What if one day you will be the exception and not the rule?
You know the joke about the poor man who goes to church every day and prays: “Please God, let me win the lottery, please God let me win the lottery!”. He goes for years and one day God finally answers: “Sure, I will help, but can you please buy a fucking lottery ticket??”
Well, that’s about it.
This whole shebang around love is about taking a leap of faith first. No promises.
It’s a cliché, but building any human relationship is a decision to jump into the unknown every single day like a crazy person, without warranty. Even in the very beginning. It’s about granting trust in advance. Mostly in the beginning.
To dare to be exposed. To be seen. To be understood or misunderstood, accepted, or rejected. To give space. To share space. Just to have fun without thinking sometimes. Make two steps forward and occasionally one back. Or three.
To acknowledge that everyone comes with their baggage and everyone gets lots. It’s about laying the cards and the mess on the table and say: “Hello, this is me, all the great stuff and all the shit I bring into this”.
Being painfully aware that it can go awry, it can get messed up, fail, hurt. That we can fall without someone catching us. Knowing that we have to learn to fly on our own, even if we fly next to someone.
Just hoping that when we crash or get tired and want to pause, there will be another crazy to laugh or talk (occasionally not talk) with.
And sometimes, by some miracle, it works.
If not...
Well, it is better to have a parachute.
So it is maybe time you stand at the edge of the cliff with a stupid smile, put on your safety gear, and simply let the other person know that if s/he wants to, you are ok to jump.
There is only one thing I can promise you: no one knows what would happen.
But at least you will be able to say you tried and did not turn around before the adventure even started.
